I woke up to the glow of a still smoking stoge smoldering in my bedside ashtray ( a Coffee cup my grandmother had received for completing her 15th year of alcoholics anonymous ).
I woke up once more to the glow of a blue crack lighter burning the tip of a poorly rolled joint.I was still covered in the rags from the pervious nights drunk, excited for San Fransisco.
Thelonius and myself had spent the previous weekend up in Angelus Crest National forest dropping acid and talking nonsense. We decided a San Fran trip was in order so we spent the week after our return swinging hammers and making enough money to buy some pot and gas to get our broke asses up the coast.
"Hey man were goin up to SF this weekend, you wanna roll?" I said to Red on the phone, Rolling slowly out of bed as to avoid the unpleasant head rush a three day hangover offers to the bastard that dare tempt its resolve.
"This weekend?" Red replied in a groggy tone. He was avoiding the same pain.
" Ya man, Thelonius and I are gonna head up today, or, like later today. Maybe tomorrow. I feel like shit dude. I killed another one of those carlo jugs. Wrote some good stuff but fuuuuuck I feel like shit." I Groaned, Managing to sit up without vomiting.
"Fuck yeah, lets do it. Traveling DopeStars dude." Red said, ready.
"Ok let me call you back in a few, Ima call Thelonius. See what the deal is. Later" Click. Nothing kills a hangover better than a good plan. i finished the joint and Re-tied the shoes I had slept in. Brown leather, scuffed to hell, and more ready than ever to stumble the streets of San Fransisco in search of something new.
I Sat for a moment looking at the burnt down sticks of Nag Champa haning out from between the keys of my piano. I looked down at the carpet, stained and ruined. Looked at the empty jug of wine the helped me feel better, then forced me to feel worse. Why the fuck not.
"I do believe , if you dont like things you leave, for some place youve never been before."
I Blew the last rip of my joint through the window unit by the bed and opened my phone again.
Ring ring ring ring ring ring
nothing
ring ring ring ring ring
nothing
ring ring ring
"He- Hey." Thelonius answered, awaking from his own drunken death slumber.
"So we gonna do this or what?" I challenged my aching brother.
"Yea lets do it." He said. He was always ready. God bless the sonofabitch.
We all stumbled around on our own for a bit then met up. We spent what we had on wine and pot, then Piled into Red's Car.
It was 10 am and somehow we were ready to roll.
"Lets do this" Thelonius said tossing his pack into he trunk.
If a competent traveler took a look into any of our bags the reaction would be more than a laugh and nothing less than a shudder. But what did we need. We were young and immortal.
" I say we go up the one and camp a night in Big Sur." Red said jamming his key clummisly into the ignition. We had all packed tents on account of not having enough cash to pay for a hotel once we landed in SF, we were ready.
"YES." I said craving a night under the stars.
We all agreed that would be our first stop.
The engine started.
Our blood shot eyes cleared.
Our skin rippled with chills.
I Pinched a snap from the sandwich bag resting between my legs.
Thelonius lit a smoke and blew a grey cloud through a knowing grin.
Red leaned ont he pedal.
We slid onto the 5 and Burbank was gone.
-------------------------------
We were two joints in and half way through "Loaded" when we hit Malibu.
"Man you wouldnt beleive the sit I got into after we split up last night man." I said to thelonius, looking over my shoulder into the back seat. I passed him the third Joint.
"Yeah dude you took off ,where did you go?" he replied takin the J and toying with it a moment.
"Well first of all" I started , " Na man, no way. She was pissed." Venus in Furs began playing. Thelonius lit the Tea. "I was rattling on and on about the same old shit, how im still in love with her and all that and she was piiiiised. She went off on me man haha"
We all laughed at my romantic missfourtune.
"Dude," Red began "Can you take over?" He said looking quickly to me then back to the road.
"I guess, why? We basically just hit the road..." I replied. He was too stoned.
"Im too stoned dude." Red admitted. " I got the urge to turn into oncoming traffic like 3 times already." We all burst into laughter.
"Fuuck, I guess dude, pull over." I said.
He did.
----------------------
Only now do I understand what it really feels like to truly start losing your mind.
We fought with everything we had to shake the consciousness we had inherited from family, society, and our on conscience. We felt true madness, true as far as we knew.
But madness isnt the loss of inhibition. It isnt the loss of the ground we were raised to appreciate, almost worship.
it isnt falling on the ground of a hotel youve never been in before, and never meant to.
It isnt being lost in hollywood on drunk looking for a car crash.
It isnt the boundless landscape of an LSD trip that may never end, or the infinite microscopic universe resting o the edge of a blade of grass far gone after an 8th of mushrooms.
True madness is seeing the benefit of being a part of the society you fought so hard to distance yourself from.
True madness is the slobber on the back of a postage stamp youve reluctantly pasted onto an envelope to pay your bill.
True madness is breaking your back for a warm shower and not even fucking knowing it.
But what did we know then.
We just wanted to get high.
And love everything.
And whats wrong with that?
------------------------
None of us knew how much we had to drink once the stars became clear and the ground became a blur.
"C-Come on dude lets take a walk, " Red shouted slapping me as hard as he could on the back.
"Yo wanna take a stroll ?" I asked waving Thelonius over.
"Na im gonna sit here and scope these stars for a while." He replied.
"Come on lets o." Red said starting into the bitch black wilderness. "I know where the bay is dude, follow me."
"Do you really?' I said stumbling behind. "wait theres no fucking way you do, theres no fucking way."
"Fuck you follow me." Red insisted.
We stumbled blindly across the meadow we had made our camp in. The moment we hit the tree line Red fell ass over ears.
"You good?" I said between coughing bouts of laughter.
I helped him to his feet and we continued down what he insisted was a trail.
We could have walked a mile our a meter but I was in no shape to say. We both fell every few yards untill we saw the moon's reflection in a small shoreline puddle.
"There it is asshole I told you I could find the fuckin' bay." Red said stabbing me in the chest with his knowing finger.
I have done my best to recall events, places, and coversations with as much accuracy as possible. As I write im riddled with just as many substances as when I experienced these events, but to this day Im not sire if what we found was a puddle or the bay. Every time I think back on that evening the size of the puddle/bay changes. Sometimes its a massive bay opening its cliffs, shrouded in pines, to the mighty pacific , in all its glory. Other times its a muddy puddle skirted by broken twigs. Some times when I think back it was a stream. I havent gone back to investigate but as far as I know the landscape in Big Sur changes with every rising moon. But as tonights memory serves....
We planted our drunk asses on a log and looked over the most beautiful moonlit bay man has ever had the privilege to observe, and I vomited everything I possibly could into it.
I woke up just in time to fall asleep looking up at the stars.
More eternal than we ever hoped to be.
----------------------------------
The morning came and went like any other fucked up hangover prelude had, and we hit the road to SF once more.
"Damn last night was gnarly" I said shivering in the shotgun seat.
"Were we singing with some pollish dudes?" Thelonius asked.
"Shit....were we?" Red pondered aloud.
"Dude I think we were, like, at some point im pretty sure we were." I said, half remembering.
" Oh we definantly did, yes, I remember," Thelonius started.
" They werent Polish they were french." Red said.
" No, No they were....fuck, some sort of european...kind of..." I attempted to solve the mystery but before I could reach a verdict we all erupted in laughter.
We sparked the morning joint.
As the pacific waved and washed to our left we kept quiet, Re visiting the thoughts we had stumbled upon the night before.
Ideas, Poems, Dreams of old loves and hopes for new. Images of beautiful girls we had kissed, things we had forgotten to do. Things we were happy to have forgotten.
Then we saw the city.
We crossed the bay bridge.
Then we hit the traffic.
"God damnit, Hundreds of miles with no traffic and the second we get where were going- traffic. Bullshit." Thelonious said.
We were bumper to bumper , surrounded by steel and pine trees.
Then shit got real loud.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT." I said , eyes widening.
"The fuck?" thelonious said poking his head out the window.
"Earthquake?" Red asked.
Just then 5 blue and yellow jets blasted directly over the highway toward and passed us.
"Fuckin Blue Angels!" We all exclaimed.
The weekend had begun.
I woke up once more to the glow of a blue crack lighter burning the tip of a poorly rolled joint.I was still covered in the rags from the pervious nights drunk, excited for San Fransisco.
Thelonius and myself had spent the previous weekend up in Angelus Crest National forest dropping acid and talking nonsense. We decided a San Fran trip was in order so we spent the week after our return swinging hammers and making enough money to buy some pot and gas to get our broke asses up the coast.
"Hey man were goin up to SF this weekend, you wanna roll?" I said to Red on the phone, Rolling slowly out of bed as to avoid the unpleasant head rush a three day hangover offers to the bastard that dare tempt its resolve.
"This weekend?" Red replied in a groggy tone. He was avoiding the same pain.
" Ya man, Thelonius and I are gonna head up today, or, like later today. Maybe tomorrow. I feel like shit dude. I killed another one of those carlo jugs. Wrote some good stuff but fuuuuuck I feel like shit." I Groaned, Managing to sit up without vomiting.
"Fuck yeah, lets do it. Traveling DopeStars dude." Red said, ready.
"Ok let me call you back in a few, Ima call Thelonius. See what the deal is. Later" Click. Nothing kills a hangover better than a good plan. i finished the joint and Re-tied the shoes I had slept in. Brown leather, scuffed to hell, and more ready than ever to stumble the streets of San Fransisco in search of something new.
I Sat for a moment looking at the burnt down sticks of Nag Champa haning out from between the keys of my piano. I looked down at the carpet, stained and ruined. Looked at the empty jug of wine the helped me feel better, then forced me to feel worse. Why the fuck not.
"I do believe , if you dont like things you leave, for some place youve never been before."
I Blew the last rip of my joint through the window unit by the bed and opened my phone again.
Ring ring ring ring ring ring
nothing
ring ring ring ring ring
nothing
ring ring ring
"He- Hey." Thelonius answered, awaking from his own drunken death slumber.
"So we gonna do this or what?" I challenged my aching brother.
"Yea lets do it." He said. He was always ready. God bless the sonofabitch.
We all stumbled around on our own for a bit then met up. We spent what we had on wine and pot, then Piled into Red's Car.
It was 10 am and somehow we were ready to roll.
"Lets do this" Thelonius said tossing his pack into he trunk.
If a competent traveler took a look into any of our bags the reaction would be more than a laugh and nothing less than a shudder. But what did we need. We were young and immortal.
" I say we go up the one and camp a night in Big Sur." Red said jamming his key clummisly into the ignition. We had all packed tents on account of not having enough cash to pay for a hotel once we landed in SF, we were ready.
"YES." I said craving a night under the stars.
We all agreed that would be our first stop.
The engine started.
Our blood shot eyes cleared.
Our skin rippled with chills.
I Pinched a snap from the sandwich bag resting between my legs.
Thelonius lit a smoke and blew a grey cloud through a knowing grin.
Red leaned ont he pedal.
We slid onto the 5 and Burbank was gone.
-------------------------------
We were two joints in and half way through "Loaded" when we hit Malibu.
"Man you wouldnt beleive the sit I got into after we split up last night man." I said to thelonius, looking over my shoulder into the back seat. I passed him the third Joint.
"Yeah dude you took off ,where did you go?" he replied takin the J and toying with it a moment.
"Well first of all" I started , " Na man, no way. She was pissed." Venus in Furs began playing. Thelonius lit the Tea. "I was rattling on and on about the same old shit, how im still in love with her and all that and she was piiiiised. She went off on me man haha"
We all laughed at my romantic missfourtune.
"Dude," Red began "Can you take over?" He said looking quickly to me then back to the road.
"I guess, why? We basically just hit the road..." I replied. He was too stoned.
"Im too stoned dude." Red admitted. " I got the urge to turn into oncoming traffic like 3 times already." We all burst into laughter.
"Fuuck, I guess dude, pull over." I said.
He did.
----------------------
Only now do I understand what it really feels like to truly start losing your mind.
We fought with everything we had to shake the consciousness we had inherited from family, society, and our on conscience. We felt true madness, true as far as we knew.
But madness isnt the loss of inhibition. It isnt the loss of the ground we were raised to appreciate, almost worship.
it isnt falling on the ground of a hotel youve never been in before, and never meant to.
It isnt being lost in hollywood on drunk looking for a car crash.
It isnt the boundless landscape of an LSD trip that may never end, or the infinite microscopic universe resting o the edge of a blade of grass far gone after an 8th of mushrooms.
True madness is seeing the benefit of being a part of the society you fought so hard to distance yourself from.
True madness is the slobber on the back of a postage stamp youve reluctantly pasted onto an envelope to pay your bill.
True madness is breaking your back for a warm shower and not even fucking knowing it.
But what did we know then.
We just wanted to get high.
And love everything.
And whats wrong with that?
------------------------
None of us knew how much we had to drink once the stars became clear and the ground became a blur.
"C-Come on dude lets take a walk, " Red shouted slapping me as hard as he could on the back.
"Yo wanna take a stroll ?" I asked waving Thelonius over.
"Na im gonna sit here and scope these stars for a while." He replied.
"Come on lets o." Red said starting into the bitch black wilderness. "I know where the bay is dude, follow me."
"Do you really?' I said stumbling behind. "wait theres no fucking way you do, theres no fucking way."
"Fuck you follow me." Red insisted.
We stumbled blindly across the meadow we had made our camp in. The moment we hit the tree line Red fell ass over ears.
"You good?" I said between coughing bouts of laughter.
I helped him to his feet and we continued down what he insisted was a trail.
We could have walked a mile our a meter but I was in no shape to say. We both fell every few yards untill we saw the moon's reflection in a small shoreline puddle.
"There it is asshole I told you I could find the fuckin' bay." Red said stabbing me in the chest with his knowing finger.
I have done my best to recall events, places, and coversations with as much accuracy as possible. As I write im riddled with just as many substances as when I experienced these events, but to this day Im not sire if what we found was a puddle or the bay. Every time I think back on that evening the size of the puddle/bay changes. Sometimes its a massive bay opening its cliffs, shrouded in pines, to the mighty pacific , in all its glory. Other times its a muddy puddle skirted by broken twigs. Some times when I think back it was a stream. I havent gone back to investigate but as far as I know the landscape in Big Sur changes with every rising moon. But as tonights memory serves....
We planted our drunk asses on a log and looked over the most beautiful moonlit bay man has ever had the privilege to observe, and I vomited everything I possibly could into it.
I woke up just in time to fall asleep looking up at the stars.
More eternal than we ever hoped to be.
----------------------------------
The morning came and went like any other fucked up hangover prelude had, and we hit the road to SF once more.
"Damn last night was gnarly" I said shivering in the shotgun seat.
"Were we singing with some pollish dudes?" Thelonius asked.
"Shit....were we?" Red pondered aloud.
"Dude I think we were, like, at some point im pretty sure we were." I said, half remembering.
" Oh we definantly did, yes, I remember," Thelonius started.
" They werent Polish they were french." Red said.
" No, No they were....fuck, some sort of european...kind of..." I attempted to solve the mystery but before I could reach a verdict we all erupted in laughter.
We sparked the morning joint.
As the pacific waved and washed to our left we kept quiet, Re visiting the thoughts we had stumbled upon the night before.
Ideas, Poems, Dreams of old loves and hopes for new. Images of beautiful girls we had kissed, things we had forgotten to do. Things we were happy to have forgotten.
Then we saw the city.
We crossed the bay bridge.
Then we hit the traffic.
"God damnit, Hundreds of miles with no traffic and the second we get where were going- traffic. Bullshit." Thelonious said.
We were bumper to bumper , surrounded by steel and pine trees.
Then shit got real loud.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT." I said , eyes widening.
"The fuck?" thelonious said poking his head out the window.
"Earthquake?" Red asked.
Just then 5 blue and yellow jets blasted directly over the highway toward and passed us.
"Fuckin Blue Angels!" We all exclaimed.
The weekend had begun.
